Life is certainly full of big and little "defining moments" that can extend into either big or little journeys. Today I would like to take you through a "defining moment" of mine that has catapulted me onto a journey of a lifetime. It all started a little over four years ago in the summer of 2014.
For one week, I was at a camp in northern Michigan. It was my 2nd year attending, but something different happened that year. One night near the end of the evening service, I decided to share part of my testimony. When the service was over, I walked down to the snack shop and a middle-aged woman stopped me to thank me for sharing my testimony. She also let me know that her husband saw something prophetic about my life and wanted to tell me about it. It wasn't long after she said this when he came over to us and introduced himself to me. He began to tell me of what he had seen. He said that by the time I'm 22 years old, I will be married, have kids/a kid on the way, and be in ministry. I thanked him for sharing that with me and when I got back to my cabin I wrote down everything. Almost immediately after I began to ponder the ways this prophecy could fit into where I currently was at in life. The ministry part was easy; I had already been very involved with my current home church for years and had recently become the Youth Worship Leader. I also had plans to attend a college in Minneapolis, MN called North Central University. I would study worship arts and biblical studies. It would be so easy for that school to be the answer to a majority of the prophecy. I soon had it all planned out; I would go there for four years, meet the man I want to marry, and perhaps even get married after graduation. But kids? Or even a kid on the way? That had to be impossible.
On top of that not seeming to fit into my timeline, I wasn't so sure I could even have kids. My Aunts on my dad's side of the family either didn't or couldn't have kids or got very lucky with the one they did have. I thought the chances of me having children was very unlikely. But still, hearing that I would gave me hope for the future and whether I could or couldn't have my own biological children, I still wanted to adopt and/or foster.
As it turned out, I did get accepted into North Central University-- that was the good news. The bad news-- finding out how much it was going to cost per year to attend the school. I felt called to become a worship leader in either my home church or a church very similar, and with the cost of tuition in mind, I began to wonder if I really needed to go into debt or even to school at all. Either way, I ended up taking a year off, and in that time I learned about a ministry school in Atlanta. The following year I became a student there and met a wonderful man named John. After a few months into my second year at the school, he unfortunately had a serious skateboarding accident. A week later we left to visit his home state, Delaware, for Thanksgiving break and decided to stay there. The next month we were engaged and two short months later, we eloped. It wasn't long after we got married that we discovered...
I was pregnant for the first time.
Now, you can probably imagine our excitement. At this point in time, I was about to turn 22 years old. I'm married, I'm still sort of involved in ministry, I'm pregnant... Everything was coming true!
But a few weeks later, something started to not feel so right. Six weeks into my pregnancy I had a miscarriage. Since then I had been trying to find a way to write about it, to talk positively about it, encouragingly even, but... I don't think I could ever find the words to accurately describe the emptiness I felt when my HCG levels went from 10,000 to 1,000 in several painful minutes. The miscarriage was complete. But it felt like so much was missing.
The miscarriage hurt both my husband and I in different ways. As hard as it was to keep going and as much as I wanted to give up, I couldn't. God began to change my thoughts towards the situation. I was comforted with the thought that this pregnancy was the foundation for something big. Just because I wouldn't be able to see this baby until I get to Heaven, doesn't mean that it didn't teach me something good about God's promises. He hadn't taken me this far just to leave me there. Soon I found the strength to get up, go to work, and all the while kept His promise in mind.
Months later, in June, I was in Michigan visiting my parents/extended family. As I was laying back on my parents couch, a vision came to me. I saw myself in the same position, same time of year, only this time I had a big, round, pregnant belly before me. The vision was just a momentary image, and in the next moment, when it was gone, I began to wonder if I really had seen what I just saw. Knowing that I have the gift of prophecy and discernment, I believed what I saw was true. One of these summers I would be pregnant, and well with child at that. About a month later, I heard God clearly say within me that I would be pregnant this winter. With both these things in mind, I continued on with life as normal and chose to focus on not figuring out how it was going to happen, nor try to make something happen.
August 25, 2018 was a hard day for me, to say the least. That was the day I was planning to have my baby shower. Instead, I spent it celebrating someone else's baby shower. It wasn't hard to share in her excitement and wish her well into motherhood, but it still hurt like a dull ache in my heart and empty womb.
September was a whirlwind of a month, to put it lightly. Every day I felt nauseous. When it had been going on for a week with no other symptoms, I thought that I might be pregnant. I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative but the unexplained nauseous feeling continued.
Mid-September I sold our Honda Civic (good riddance) and got a much newer, more reliable Ford Focus. Well, not even a week after having my new ride, I was rear-ended and decided to immediately go to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. While I was there, my doctor let me know that I was just about two weeks pregnant.
Today, on December 11, 2018, I am 13 weeks pregnant. I can't fully tell you all how absolutely victorious it felt to pass my six-week mark with flying colors.
I very much look forward to meeting our first baby in Heaven. I'm so glad that he/she is being well taken care of by our Heavenly Father.
I haven't yet gotten to see an OB/GYN as I am waiting for my insurance to get fully set up here in Michigan. So for now, I will share my exciting news and what pictures I do have of my growing belly, and be sure to follow up on social media with ultrasound pictures when I get them.
The lesson here: God IS the promise maker. He IS the promise keeper. Don't try to figure it all out in your own understanding. Rest in His promises and continue to do the work that He has laid before you.
Thanks for reading. Stay blessed.
